


Darkness

by carmensandiego



Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 13:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmensandiego/pseuds/carmensandiego
Summary: The aftermath of Dalton's confession of the darkness that lives within him.





	Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since that scene, I've wanted to do a reaction of Jaz to what Dalton confessed to her about himself in the ending scene in 1x11 Grounded. 
> 
> Here ya go! Hope you enjoy :-)

She couldn’t stop shaking.

How could she?

Not when Top… Adam… had just bared his soul to her in such a way that would surely give her nightmares when sleep introduced itself to her that night.

Jaz hadn’t honestly evaluated the feelings she had for her Commanding Officer.

They were comrades. Soldiers who risked their life day in and day out to protect each other and their team.

And yes, if she allowed herself to be honest, she had a relationship that no other member had with him in their unit.

Maybe Preach.

Those two had known each other for years. Were friends outside of the craziness they called “work”. But still… Preach and Top didn’t always find themselves alone together at the end of particularly hard missions. McG and Top didn’t have discussions about the meaning of life; the stars; or their screwed up family life. And even though Top knew Amir better than the other members of the team did, they weren't particularly close outside of their obligational duties.

No. If Jaz were honest with herself, she knew that she and Dalton were drawn to each other in a way that neither of them would probably care to analyze or admit.

Even still… the conversation that night was more open; more honest; more raw than any one she had ever had with him.

_So why did it scare her?_

She looked up from the common room and saw him come in from outside.

She gave him a weak smile as he re-upped on his beer and watched him leave to go back out to the fire where she once sat a few minutes earlier.

She thought about following him back out there.

She had made some lame excuse about wanting to see who was winning the pool game between Amir & McG and excused herself before they could even begin to process or further discuss the “darkness” that Dalton expressed to her.

He probably thought he had scared her off.

But he hadn’t.

Not in that way, anyway.

No. Jaz was scared for a whole slew of other reasons.

Because this Dalton…. This Dalton was not her CO. He wasn’t her leader or even her fellow soldier.

No. This Dalton was a man baring his soul to a friend. To a person he knew would never betray his innermost feelings or insecurities. A person whom he trusted; beyond the battlefield.

A woman who, unbeknownst to him, was still trying to sort out feelings that she wasn’t supposed to or allowed to have.

And when he spoke like that…. giving her a glimpse of him, the man; of Adam.

Well, she wanted nothing more than to grab him by the hair and fuck him til this crazy, messed up world made sense.

But she couldn’t.

And he wouldn’t.

And she knew that. Which is why it scared her to see the vulnerability in his eyes from a moment ago.

Because if he let down his guards with her, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to keep hers up either.

And that terrified her.

Fuck. That terrified her.

She decided in that moment to head to her room. Where she could be alone.

Not realizing that he was outside agonizing silently; thinking he just screwed up the only good thing he had going in his life.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He cursed himself. How the hell could he be so stupid? So reckless.

Nevermind the fact that he had let his beer, and her dark brown eyes, get the best of him and allow him to start spilling his secrets.

But Jesus.

What the heck was she supposed to think of him now that he’d let her into his seriously screwed up mind?

It’s no secret that most Special Ops soldiers held in their pain. They held in the inner most parts of them that allowed the death and destruction surrounding them to not seep it’s way inside and corrupt their hearts.

No. No, that was kept for psychiatrists and shrinks only.

Which is why he couldn’t believe he’d actually said what he said to her. To Jaz. A member of his team.

She had excused herself shortly afterwards to go inside. Which he knew was just an excuse to break away for a minute and hope the conversation shifted to someone less intense when she returned.

And when she didn’t return, he decided to go make sure she was ok.

But the look on her face when he saw her sitting in the common room…

That look was not okay.

She was not okay with what just transpired.

And that ate Dalton up in ways she would never understand.

Because no matter how complicated his feelings for Jaz were, and they were complicated; the last thing he ever wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was for her to lose faith in him, as a person. Not just a leader.

And telling her about the darkness that he barely controls each and every mission was not the way to keep that trust and respect.

He chugged his beer and looked around at the emptiness surrounding him.

His life had never been easy for him. Not as a 5 year old and certainly not as a 35 year old.

Trusting people; making friends did not come easily. Not even coming through the ranks where soldiers formed bonds that lasted a lifetime.

People became close to Dalton by beating down his defenses enough where he didn’t have any other choice but to let them in.

Preach being one of those people.

He had known him for almost 10 years. Always making it a point never to go too close to his fellow soldiers and team. Because death is common company in the business they were in. And getting too close… letting people in was too much on the heart. Too hard on the soul.

He was startled out of his inner thoughts by a large presence taking the empty seat where Jaz had just sat.

“Top?” He said, quizzically.

Leave it to Preach to figure out something was awry even before he had the chance to figure it out himself.

“I don’t need any life advice right now, Preach.” He said, trying not to come across rude. “I just need to be left alone.”

He heard Preach hum to himself, slowly nodding his head.

“It seems that being alone is a growing trend in the past 10 minutes. Funny how Jaz also suddenly feels the same and just bolted to her room, closing the door after being in a noticeably giddy mood just a few minutes earlier.”

Dalton grimaced.

Fuck. Not the way he intended this evening to go.

“Listen Top…” he said slowly, not wanting to overstep his boundaries but also not able to sit idly by and watch two people he cared about go around in circles avoiding the truth.

“I’m not sure what just happened to put you both in the mood you’re in now… But whatever it was. Make it right.”

“Preach…”

“No, you listen Top.” He said forcefully. Dalton straightened up and looked his friend in the eyes. Preach didn’t cut him off or force his words on Dalton often.

It made him pay attention.

“I know you have feelings for her.” He said matter of factly.

“And I also know you probably hate yourself for even having those feelings in the first place and haven’t figured out what they are or where you even want them to go. If anywhere.”

Dalton looked down at his hands, rubbing them together nervously. God, he hated how well Preach knew him.

“What I do know is… in the past 10 years I haven’t seen you look at another human being the way I see you look at Jaz.”

Dalton closed his eyes and sighed.

Fuck. It was _that_ noticeable?

“Yes, you are her commanding officer, right? And the Dalton I know would never cross those boundaries no matter how strong those feelings were.”

Dalton smirked. If only Preach knew he just spilled the darkest parts of himself to her, only to be rejected and shunned.

“Don’t be so consumed with this life we live…”, he said softly…, “that you don’t end up living, Adam.”

Dalton looked up and saw an amused Preach staring back at him.

In the background, he saw Jaz. She was standing by the door, waiting to see if their conversation would end soon.

Preach got up, nodding to Jaz as he walked back inside.

Dalton watched as she hesitated, looking everywhere but directly at him as she finally got the courage to walk back to the fire and sit down on the bench next to him.

“Top…” she said, but he cut her off.

“I’m sorry, Jaz.” He said ashamedly. “Look… what I said to you here. Those words should’ve never left my mouth. Never seen the light of day.” He stopped, gauging her response.

“And now you know that your CO is clearly fucked up.” He laughed softly. “But those are my burdens, my struggles. I never meant to put those out there on you.”

He sat silent as she processed his apology.

“Are you finished?” She asked him.

He sneered. Leave it to Jaz to still be bossy even in the most awkward of times.

“Is that what you think, Top? That your admission scared me?”

“Well…. You did run off as soon as I said it.”

She rolled her eyes, but seemed to understand his point.

“I didn’t run because of that.” She said simply.

He thought about asking her why she did go inside… But he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“That darkness, Top. I think we all have it.” She said softly. “I know I do at times.”

Dalton watched her intently as she continued on.

“But acknowledging it… Knowing it’s there and being able to control it when you need to. I think _that’s_ what separates us from them, ya know?”

He smiled.

She may have been a little younger than him but she was wise beyond her years.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Taking in the crackle of the fire and sipping on their beers while laughing every few seconds or so from the hoots and hollers of the rest of their team inside playing pool.

He heard her begin to start a sentence but keep quiet. As if balancing whether or not she wanted to speak.

“I ran because I don’t know how to do this”, she said, her voice almost breaking as she tried not to disclose how difficult these words were for her to say.

“Jaz…” he said, knowing exactly what she meant as soon as she said it.

“No. Let me finish.”

“You…”, she struggled to find the right words. “I don’t know how to separate this.” She paused.

“How to go from Adam, a friend; to Top, my CO.”

She stopped to see how those words would fall on him.

“You shouldn’t have to.” He said, painfully.

“That falls on me. The somewhat blurred line between our friendship and my command are not your fault or burden to bear.” He stopped, sighing and shaking his head.

He got up and turned to her.

“I’m sorry, Jaz. And this is probably why women often feel alone and misunderstood in their units. Because of shit like this you have to deal with…”

Jaz laughed quietly.

“That’s what you think? That I’m upset because I'm a woman who can’t figure out how I feel or that somehow this is on you?”

“Maybe not.” He took a few steps away from her. “But as the leader on this team it is my responsibility to control any and all things that make what we do out there as uncomplicated as it can be.”

Jaz watched as he paced around the fire.

“And me…. My actions concerning you have made things anything but.”

She wanted to ask him what actions he was referring to, but realized he wasn’t done.

“When you were taken, Jaz…. That darkness that I spoke of earlier.” He sighed and stopped. Allowing his silence to portray how he felt about her capture and the men who were responsible for it.

“I’m not sure I would’ve recovered if you had been killed.” He stated, his voice flat and full of truth. “I wouldn’t want to.”

He looked at her now. The weight of his words heavy in the air. For as much as he stated he didn’t want the lines muddled… Jaz felt he was doing a bang up job of blurring them even more.

“I should probably stop talking”, he said. Finishing off his beer and breaking eye contact with her. He hadn’t meant to let that douzy of an admission flow. That he’d rather die than deal with her death.

Yeah, he told Patricia that he knew he had to get the team out of Tehran and he had every intention of keeping that promise. But in no way, shape or form would he ever have gotten on the plane himself. He would’ve seen his team to safety and given his life to avenge hers.

“I’m gonna call it a night.” He said, realizing the conversation between them had most likely made things worse.

She scoffed. “So that’s it?”

He turned to look at her.

“I mean you sit here and tell me in one sentence that you need to keep your distance from me… that the one person who makes me feel more at ease than anyone in my life and who I can reach out to when I’m not able to process what we go through… that I need to end that. Because it blurs lines… “

“Jaz….”, he said, but she kept going.

“But then in the next sentence you tell me you were willing to die for me.” She choked up. “That you were going to willingly walk into the line of fire… for what?? For me? Top, you still had 3 other members of your team that needed you.”

“Yeah…. But I need you.” He said harshly. “God dammit Jaz… don’t you realize that by now?”

He walked up to where she was sitting.

“I need you. I have never needed anyone or depended on anyone in my life but I need you, Jaz. And that terrifies me. As your CO and as a man.”

There was no denying the last part of that sentence. She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears. No one had ever cared about her like this. She had never cared about anyone like this.

She got up to stand in front of him. He went to step back but she grabbed his hand softly, inter-lacing her fingers between his.

He closed his eyes and sighed, looking down at their entwined hands.

“Jaz…” he said pleadingly.

“I need you, too.” She said sheepishly, watching the lines between their professional relationship and friendship continue to break down.

She saw his eyes watching their hands and then returning to hers. They were soft, scared.

She had never seen him like this before. He was always unwavering in his next steps; in his leadership and his command.

But now… Now, he was a man who wasn’t sure what to say or do.

“I can’t…” He said, stuttering. “We can’t…”

“I know.” She said, plainly. She went to let go of his hand but he grabbed hers tighter.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” He said, desire growing in his voice. “I doesn’t mean I choose the job over you.”

She smiled and nodded slightly. “I know.”

Because she did know. They had a duty. To protect and serve their country. They had both taken oaths. And that came before anything. Any feelings. Any friendship.

Any love.

“No.” He said harshly. “I don’t think you do, Jaz.”

She gulped as his eyes drew to her lips. She licked them subconsciously and he breathed in hard, closing his eyes and letting go of her hand.

“I think I should go inside.” He said, still standing in front of her, unable and unwilling to leave their close proximity even though he knew it wasn’t good for either of them.

“Goodnight, Top.”

He snickered. Hearing her call him that put those gray lines into perspective again.

He watched as she walked away to go back inside and sat down on the bench again, his head in his hands.

He was in trouble.

And he wasn’t sure of how to get out. Or if he even wanted to.


End file.
